Lilprincess phd. Esq.

We’re going to play a game. Whoever wins it. Wins it. Get down notecards and write your points down. Let’s make this interesting here.

69 rules to fuck up a party.

Rules rules rules.

1^st. rule. Please be sure to punch a hole in that half dead wall over there. 5 pts.

2^nd rule, please feel free to punch anyone in the room. 10 pts.

3^rd rule, please feel free to smoke pot cigarettes, crack, chase the dragon, anything you want in here. Anything goes.10pts

4^th rule. We must all accept that we are fucking losers, not winners. Depressed wastes of life living to die. 15 points.

5^th rule. If you like to humiliate yourself on stage 6 points.

6^th unconsentual sex is worth 8 points

7^th gettin freaky on the dance floor 9 points

8^th trying to kill yourself 50 points youll win!. Cmon fat boy I know you want to do it. It’s like Jack Kevorkian. Life doesn’t always turn out as you planned does it? Huh. No don’t do it. I’m kidding. It’s a joke.

9^th hate and anger get you ten points

10^th hot dog sucking gets you 5 points

11^th little boy fucking gets you 80 points. You’re a fucking militia. You could do it. You could. I’m talking to you you could.

12^th packin heat so they say gets you 60 points. There’s never anything better to bring to a comedy show than a gun.

13^th drawing dicks all over everyone gets you 10 points. Especially towards the butt. Drawing dicks on anyone will get you points.

14^th guys and girls who are in this for the pussy 10 points. If you go home and fuck after this 50 points. That’s as much as suicide!!!! Think about it folks.

15.th If this pathetic perverse sideshow sucks that bad pull your eyeballs out and set them on fire 18 points.

16. If you blow a chance to fuck a girl/guy. He’ll fuck you good. With his cock. Till he’s done. Negative 27 points.  You’ll make him wish he had two dicks.

17. Getting Paris Hilton here and making her fuck all of us 28 points.

18. the biggest vagina here 16 points.

19. If you vomit 12 points.

20. Llck a lady’s Vay g-

21. Black people interrupting 15 points. Make the experience better. Black people bring the party right Darius?.

22. Making me piss my pants 20 points

23. going to sleep or passing out 12 points.

24. pissing your pants 25 points.

25. Stay late on a Wednesday. Like anyone here has jobs. Just fucking sleep until you wake up 12 points.

26. If  you feel like you’re at an aa meeting in a basement 2 points.

27. Waking up with a dead body in your trunk (no shit I heard this story at an aa meeting) and you don’t know where it came from. 75 points

28. Shoving a prom baby in a garbage dumpster 20 points.

29. Burning your name on the surface of the moon 40 points.

30. killing a sober person. They are the most annoying people on the planet. They’re all on a fucking rampage and they suck. 30 points 

31. Dropkicking a baby. 27 points.

32. having a mental disorder. 18 points

33. beating the retarded 16 points.

34.don’t laugh. Laughing too much or too little will cost you 17 points.

35. you come up here and rape your dreams 6 points.

36. if you always wanted to be on the oc 8 points.

37. if you feel like you are listening to the babblings of a mental patient 5 points.

38. if you jam 4 rubix cubes up your ass while you remain erect and bleed all over the floor 5

39. if you love the 3 f’s food fun and fisting.

40. if you ejaculate your central nervous system into a pinball machine and make it bleed. 45 points.

41. If you wanna fuck a black man 12 points. One of those ghetto rich prepaid cellphone bitches.

42. 2 secure guys cornholing on stage 15 points.

45. Teabagging gets you 20 points.

46. Beatin your dick hard because you’re a lonely pathetic pervert 10 pts.

47. bringin the pain Top gun style. 21.

48. you just got parolled yesterday 25 points.

49. you laugh your cunt off. Let it fall on the floor an pick it back up 19 points.

50. fuck a crippled person 23 points.

60.Hit a bitch in the cunt with a shovel. 15 points.

61. if you have a name for your penis, a p.o. box and an address. 15 points.

62. If you shit into a bag 20 points.

63. if you’re one of those clean guys who piss in the shower. -9 points

64. If you have a name for your dick. 12 points.

65. if you wax your cunt and you’re a white girl just get with a black guy he don’t give a fuck -15 points.

66. you have pending court cases-10 points.

67. If you’re wearing an ankle bracelet-12 points.

68.if you hate white people-30 points

69. If you’re a black person who named their daughter porcha-20 points

70. if you get raped and make a paaaarrrty- 13 points.

71. If you get a shower afterwards- -2 points

74. you’ve smuggled drugs in your ass-15 points

game to get a party started.

Lilprincess phd. Esq.

We’re going to play a game. Whoever wins it. Wins it. Get down notecards and write your points down. Let’s make this interesting here.

69 rules to fuck up a party.

Rules rules rules.

1^st. rule. Please be sure to punch a hole in that half dead wall over there. 5 pts.

2^nd rule, please feel free to punch anyone in the room. 10 pts.

3^rd rule, please feel free to smoke pot cigarettes, crack, chase the dragon, anything you want in here. Anything goes.10pts

4^th rule. We must all accept that we are fucking losers, not winners. Depressed wastes of life living to die. 15 points.

5^th rule. If you like to humiliate yourself on stage 6 points.

6^th unconsentual sex is worth 8 points

7^th gettin freaky on the dance floor 9 points

8^th trying to kill yourself 50 points youll win!. Cmon fat boy I know you want to do it. It’s like Jack Kevorkian. Life doesn’t always turn out as you planned does it? Huh. No don’t do it. I’m kidding. It’s a joke.

9^th hate and anger get you ten points

10^th hot dog sucking gets you 5 points

11^th little boy fucking gets you 80 points. You’re a fucking militia. You could do it. You could. I’m talking to you you could.

12^th packin heat so they say gets you 60 points. There’s never anything better to bring to a comedy show than a gun.

13^th drawing dicks all over everyone gets you 10 points. Especially towards the butt. Drawing dicks on anyone will get you points.

14^th guys and girls who are in this for the pussy 10 points. If you go home and fuck after this 50 points. That’s as much as suicide!!!! Think about it folks.

15.th If this pathetic perverse sideshow sucks that bad pull your eyeballs out and set them on fire 18 points.

16. If you blow a chance to fuck a girl/guy. He’ll fuck you good. With his cock. Till he’s done. Negative 27 points.  You’ll make him wish he had two dicks.

17. Getting Paris Hilton here and making her fuck all of us 28 points.

18. the biggest vagina here 16 points.

19. If you vomit 12 points.

20. Llck a lady’s Vay g-

21. Black people interrupting 15 points. Make the experience better. Black people bring the party right Darius?.

22. Making me piss my pants 20 points

23. going to sleep or passing out 12 points.

24. pissing your pants 25 points.

25. Stay late on a Wednesday. Like anyone here has jobs. Just fucking sleep until you wake up 12 points.

26. If  you feel like you’re at an aa meeting in a basement 2 points.

27. Waking up with a dead body in your trunk (no shit I heard this story at an aa meeting) and you don’t know where it came from. 75 points

28. Shoving a prom baby in a garbage dumpster 20 points.

29. Burning your name on the surface of the moon 40 points.

30. killing a sober person. They are the most annoying people on the planet. They’re all on a fucking rampage and they suck. 30 points 

31. Dropkicking a baby. 27 points.

32. having a mental disorder. 18 points

33. beating the retarded 16 points.

34.don’t laugh. Laughing too much or too little will cost you 17 points.

35. you come up here and rape your dreams 6 points.

36. if you always wanted to be on the oc 8 points.

37. if you feel like you are listening to the babblings of a mental patient 5 points.

38. if you jam 4 rubix cubes up your ass while you remain erect and bleed all over the floor 5

39. if you love the 3 f’s food fun and fisting.

40. if you ejaculate your central nervous system into a pinball machine and make it bleed. 45 points.

41. If you wanna fuck a black man 12 points. One of those ghetto rich prepaid cellphone bitches.

42. 2 secure guys cornholing on stage 15 points.

45. Teabagging gets you 20 points.

46. Beatin your dick hard because you’re a lonely pathetic pervert 10 pts.

47. bringin the pain Top gun style. 21.

48. you just got parolled yesterday 25 points.

49. you laugh your cunt off. Let it fall on the floor an pick it back up 19 points.

50. fuck a crippled person 23 points.

60.Hit a bitch in the cunt with a shovel. 15 points.

61. if you have a name for your penis, a p.o. box and an address. 15 points.

62. If you shit into a bag 20 points.

63. if you’re one of those clean guys who piss in the shower. -9 points

64. If you have a name for your dick. 12 points.

65. if you wax your cunt and you’re a white girl just get with a black guy he don’t give a fuck -15 points.

66. you have pending court cases-10 points.

67. If you’re wearing an ankle bracelet-12 points.

68.if you hate white people-30 points

69. If you’re a black person who named their daughter porcha-20 points

70. if you get raped and make a paaaarrrty- 13 points.

71. If you get a shower afterwards- -2 points

74. you’ve smuggled drugs in your ass-15 points

 75. if you poop  in a pool.

I do domination sex work and I have a slave with cerebral palsy. Yes he has cerebral palsy and is very excitable. He sends me text messages all the time about how naughty he Is and lots of smilie faces. I think that he is so excited that someone would beat the shit out of a retard. Well he found the right girl. I’ll hop on that retard in a drug fueled frenzy.  I’m gonna wail the shit out him. I have yet to meet him. He’s so stoked on me. I wonder if he wants me to go there though. That he’s a crippled bitch. What do I do about this. I’ve never had a crippled client before. Crippled humiliation is fucked. But he’s so fucken stoked.

That happens soon. But I can’t fucking wait. I’ll beat up a retard. I don’t care. Especially since this is what he really fucking wants. Like more than anything. Someone to beat up his retarded ass.  This is why he’s so excitable and this seems to be the single thing he wants in his life. To be spit on and humiliated. Why would you want to pass that up?.  I’d dropkick a retard into the lake if it meant it would make him happy. A retard is the highest compliment I could pay someone. I work with autistic savants  and I love them all… fucken can’t button their own pants but they can make awesome art.

Today I had to explain the months of the year to my boyfriend. Fucking retard. He did not know the months of the year. I love the retarded. He asked me what month it was and when summer and fall were. It was like teaching a child. The retarded are great.

I went to Rocky Horror Picture Show at midnight the other night expecting a drug fueled frenzy of a midnight movie like it used to be.  Not only did it suck, they checked my bag. They took my drink and it fucking sucked. To sit through that annoying torture of a show stone cold sober when you’re a fucking alcoholic is nothing short of the 7^th rung of hell. Fucking retards. Theatre scum.

I got some yogart on the bed and my boyfriend got angry. He said that it was gross.  There’s cum all over the bed. What the fuck does he care?

I was a scumbag. A real scumfuck. Hence the name Scumbalina. Scumbalina was an obvious name for me. I was a methadone addict who lived la vida loca. I was rockin and rollin on drugs and I was amped up to go. Mike made me a mascot for Gays in the military, Daddy McPaddy’s rockin ass cumbag explosion of a band. I remember they wanted to cover an elo song  elo song and they could not (very ambitious) and a band member cried because they could not do it.  Yes a male band member cried. Fucking pussies.   I used to run around mostly naked and in a drug, lonely, hell fueled frenzy and toss out pornography to the audience.  Mike was this older sober guy and it made no sense to me why he took such an interest in me. But he did. What the fuck was it about me that he liked?.  This older sober very interesting fellow. I guess it was because I’m crazy. Or a nut magnet.  He sensed the nut in me.  One or the other. I guess he used to do drugs and understood. He was a good guy. Old I thought but good.

Talk about rock and roll changing your life. Well the collaboration with Daddy McP. Startest one of the most fun times of my life.  When he and Brian Collins started Gays in the military and made My character, scumbalina embodied me and I embodied her. A drugged out crazy naked bitch who gave out mountains of porno, left over from mr.skin’s bombardment of tit flicks, and it made people extatic. Scumbalina made people exctatic. FREE PORNO!!!! Of course they were exctatic. I was a scummy naked fucked up pregnant looking crazy person.

The amount of methadone I was on when I was scumbalina made for constipation which meant impacted shit. The impacted shit made me look 100% preggers which made for some interesting banter, about me being pregnant on my drug fueled journey.  It was fucking hot. A skinny preggers chick. I played it off to my advantage. I would write messages on my stomach and show my baby off with pride. Especially during the rock shows.

The methadone chic of Scumbalina only helped her to get girls err girls. I remember during a rather rauncheous party taking a shower naked with Mike’s girlfriend at the time who had a beautiful gigantic nose and wonderful nips. He sure knows how to pick em. Also in the shower was the hottest chick with a dick that existed  It was hot almost heavean.  A great release from my life of filth and degredation. I got clean in that shower.  Julie the trannie was on fire. We were all nuts, in a drug addled dream, in the shower together. It was like a wet dream. Or a shower you take after you get raped. It was exctacy.

Scumbalina was a release for this filth that I was living through. Injecting methadone daily and attempting life. She was me. And is me. A furious scumbag and I miss her.  Rock and roll made her deadly. I think if I wasn’t handing out porn at the time to greatful pieces of shit I would have been murdering animals or children. An outlet for me. An escape from the torturous hell I was putting my body through.

I remember my cohort and sleaze partner in crime who had the biggest natural tits of anyone I’ve ever seen. Alix Lakehurst. Her real name was Alix Snell, an ugly name which was only changed by McP to be her porn name. Yes he kinda got her into porn. A release from her dark world as a law assistant as I can remember. She turned to porn. At the ripe age of 32. It was amazing. She would dance naked on stage with me as I sucked her nipples in some kind of freak show frenzy

MY PARTY WITH FRED BURKHART.

HERE FOR MORE.....

http://www.projectonward.org/artists/megmccarville

I, at the age of 31, have become INCONTINANT, MEANING I PISS MYSELF. THANK GOD FOR CAT BOXES!

HOLY SHIT.... I NEVER THOUGHT THIS COULD HAPPEN, BUT I THINK I'VE BECOME INCONTINENT.... MEANING I PISS MY PANTS.... AND NOT WHILE DRINKING....  I have long made fun of pee pads and women pissing their pants and wearing diapers, and making fun of commercials with younger hot women talking about how they piss their pants with a shit eating grin (no pun intended) on their faces, and saying that it is NOT POSSIBLE for someone that young AND PRETTY to piss their pants like all the time, but like it's totally happened... One time two days ago, which I blew off as like an "OOP'S I PISSED MY PANTS IN A GROCERY STORE" moment (sorta like an AHA MOMENT except you piss your pants).... the story with that is that I was in a dollar store, and I had to piss, and I have long since been able to hold pee in (and herein lies the cause of the problem i believe).... As a child, I would yell at my mother for constantly having to piss at places like amusement parks and (OH YEA. DUH) WATERPARKS (uuh go in the fucking pool duh?) when i wanted to ride the rides.... I was ALWAYS AMAZING AT HOLDING MY PISS IN...  Then, as I grew older, I would yell at my friends for constantly having to find a bathroom when we were out, and later as I became a degenerate and so did the people I was hanging around with, berated them for constantly having to stop to not find a bathroom but just sit down and piss in an alley or (the best one ever, thanks NATALEE) was on a park bench in New Orleans made of wood planks in which we both were wearing skirts and proceeded to just sit down and piss through the planks.... Natalee Decker has to PISS ALL THE TIME and it totally annoyed me.... But like I said, I was just living in Oakland in a basement, and the bathroom is upstairs OUTSIDE THE HOUSE and with PEOPLE WHO I DON'T LIKE AND DON'T LIKE ME so I neglected to ever use it.... This would cause me to save up gallons of piss in my bladder and not relieve myself, except in cups and bottles, which i would overflow and miss....  Also, living on the bus proved to be difficult when having to piss... I was in public (not like I care, but I don't want to get arrested by the OAKLAND POLICE DEPARTMENT FOR SOMETHING RIDICULOUS AGAIN.... JUDGING BY THE SCALE AND SEVERITY OF THE CRIME OF MY PREVIOUS ARREST, PISSING IN PUBLIC WOULD ENTAIL A BILLION DOLLAR BAIL but i digress) and having to use cups and overfill them and stuff.... So I learned to just fucking HOLD IT THE FUCK IN.... I remember someone staying on the bus with me watched me fill a two liter and was like HOLY SHIT MEG HOW DID YOU DO THAT?. It was normal for me... I often could tap 40 bottles, 2 liters, and 3 gallon jugs.... It was because I was holding it in for so fucking long to wait for the time that I was either not depressed enough to get out of the bed and not piss myself (yea I'm actually not that lazy to piss myself in the bed... thought about it many times... more times than you'd imagine, but i made myself get up, foregoing the option of lying in my rancid piss for the rest of eternity, thank you).  Living in the basement was annoying because I'd often be watching a good movie with my boyfriend and he'd have to piss and I'd yell at him not to cuz he was going to miss something good.... And I'd be like JUST FUCKING HOLD YOUR PISS. I DO.  I was proud of it.... I made anyone who decided to relieve themselves feel like a stepped on piece of shit for doing so. And I was proud of my talent... But I am writing this to say, especially to those of you who may be young and be like me, an idiot who berades the folks who choose to relieve themselves during a good part of a movie, or forego a spot in line at an amusement park in order to empty their bladder.... HOLD IT THE FUCK IN.... I'D ALWAYS SAY. And now, it has come back to haunt me...  The other day, I was at the dollar store and the urge to piss came on so fucking strong.  I had never felt anything like it.... I am usually warned hours before I have to piss, so my lazy ass can try to get to a recepticle, and delay it as much as possible.... Well I had to piss so bad, and I knew they wouldn't let me use their toilet in the dollar store but I asked anyhow, and they said they didn't have one so i RAN LIKE HELL across the street, holding my pee hole, to the grocery store, and asked a hispanic employee where the bathroom was... she looked confused.... I yelled, in complete desperation, clutching my throbbing piss hole EL BANO!!!!!!!!!!! and she merely pointed to the back of the store.... It was coming.... I could feel it.... and I ran to the back of the store, into the stockroom where the bano usually is, and I COULDN'T FUCKING FIND IT, even ascended a flight of stairs with ease to find MORE FUCKING GROCERIES AND A CONFUSED LOOKING MEXICAN....  I ran down the stairs and then it happened, the warm piss just streamed down my leg and it only lasted  like 5 seconds, no biggie, but I've had bladder infections before, and I know how pissing feels when you are conflicted with one of those, like in Nightmare in Elm Street 4 i think when the dog pisses fire (I always think of that... It's so badass!), but this did not feel like that...  It didn't hurt... it was just.... relief.... and then sheer terror at the fact that i pissed myself without being drunk, and then relief again that it wasn't a lot of piss, and then hysterical laughing when i looked at the little puddle of piss on the floor and i walked away picturing somebody discovering it and trying to picture their reaction.... Was it a Chiuhuahua?. (yea, cuz it's a MEXICAN GROCERY STORE)....  But that one, I wrote off.  I had not pissed myself in years, like ten, since I was in my early twenties and I used to drink and piss myself nightly.... but that's another story. and that was a loooong time ago.  But then tonite, just now, it happened again.... It was not a nightmare.... I was right here on my computer entering something into my blog and I got the urge again, very well knowing what I did a mere 2 days ago and trying to avoid that situation like the plague.  I'll just get another few words in, I thought, just a few.... and then I opened the door of my sro to run to the bathroom and SOMEONE WAS IN THE SHOWER.... fucking I HATE PEOPLE WHO TAKE SHOWERS, AND I ALWAYS HAVE.... so I turned to my piss cup in the room, a water bottle with a wide mouth and a top that my mother just gave me and I immediately, upon seeing it, thought PISS CUP, PERFECT SCORE!. It was half full already, but I would use it, and overflow might just happen, but i did have some accessable plastic cups in the room to transfer (oh yea I used to be able to turn my bladder on and off too), so I quickly unscrewed the top, and the smell of rancid piss hit me in the face.... I remembered promising myself I wouldn't start pissing in bottles and cups in THIS APARTMENT. THINGS WERE GOING TO CHANGE. BUT THIS CUP WAS FOR EMERGENCIES ONLY, and this, my friends, was a dire emergency...  I barely got my pants half down and was unscrewing the top of the wide mouthed bottle thinking i'd barely make it BUT IT HAPPENED AGAIN.... And in my apartment no less... Just thank god there was a cat box underneath the shelf with the water bottle.... So all the piss ran into my pants and the cat box.... Then I was like, OH YEA A CAT BOX.... I DON'T EVER HAVE TO EVEN USE THE BATHROOM HERE!.  Yea, thank goodness for cat litter, but it is NOT A SOLUTION.... PEOPLE (I GUESS?) SHOULD NOT BE PISSING IN THEIR CAT'S LITTER BOXES (although there is the most pleasant of fragrances AFTER I did it, never experienced that, they sure have gone far with cat litter, how come they don't do that with human toilets?) but yea WE SHOULD NOT???? USE CAT BOXES. Well I don't know the cat box has it's benefits, but speaking as the FEMME DE SOCIETIE that i may be, or as Anne Landers would say people shouldn't be pissing in their cat boxes (I'm going to debate that notion now in another essay).... The point is that at 31, I think that I, Meg McCarville have become incontinent.... and now the person who once smelt it, has in fact delt it... I made fun of incontinent women, pee pads, depends, etc. and thought I was IMMUNE to incontinance.... Well, NO ONE IS, AN YOU SHOULDN'T PLAY WITH YOUR BLADDER.... PISS WHEN YOU HAVE TO.... LISTEN TO MOUTHS OF BABES.... I was pottytrained by one year old!!!!. Now, at 31, all that talent has gone, for lack of a better term, down the toilet....  THANK GOD FOR CATBOXES!!!!.