(not for the faint of heart) TO THE RESIDENTS OF 1810 ADELINE

Dear 1810 Adeline,

sameuel.... i recently became aware that your fat disgusting pathetic ass told Soup to grow a pair.... He told me that someone said that that he lived with.... I crinkled my eyebrows, confused, wondering which fucking limp dicked retard would tell Soup that... Well... There's Gregory... He is a limp dicked fucking pussy who should be drowned in my dead father's cholostomy bag but he seems to have a semblance of having at least one ball... Samson sure is an asshole, but I doubt he is pathetic enough to get joy out of the misery of the mentally ill and the reality of life... Now, I have contemplated weather or not CJ is an enuch considering her high ass yelping voice but I think it's just a result of extreme retardation and being around those stupid fucking dogs all the time... So I'm pretty sure she has a vagina.... And I'm pretty sure Emily has like ten big hairy smelly dicks and jacks off on doughnuts which she eats hourly and that is why she is so obese.... I do know why you are so obese, and do not have to speculate though because a little bird told me that you have no fucking job and sit around all day and sponge off your fucking sister and live in a closet and pay 50 bux rent.... Honestly, that is admirable that you are able to screw your idiotic housemates in such a way... but when I found out that it was in fact your fat lazy mongoloid ass that was in fact the culprit, all I could do was laugh histarically... I mean... have you ever even checked to see if you have a penis under that enormous paunch of yours????. I always assumed that the genitals of the people living in your hell pit of a house were the former as I previously stated, and that you, Samuel were like a Barbie doll.... just devoid of genitals in general... I mean taking into account you ARE too fat to see them and I have had the unfortunate chance to live under your morbidly obese ass fearing that one day you might just fall through the floor right into our room, and the passive/aggressive attempts by your insanely psychotic but yet to be medicated sister to break the floor in an attempt to enforce the "cerfew" that she decided to have WHEN SHE WANTED... I mean not to go on a tangent but sometimes my ears would bleed at the sound of her high pitched yelping until the wee hours of four or five in the morning and other nights it would sound like a rock dropped from the heavens onto our ceiling and pieces of it would literally fall on us which was what I assumed to be her failed attempts to silence us or me when we did in fact pay more rent than you, way fucking more, and I do recall hearing about your house meeting which I refused to attend weather or not I was invited to them because I did not want to get bits of cum dounuts spit in my eye by some fat pseudo anarchist that was hardly at the house but making all the rules, or mine furher, and the enforcer of my cerfew... your 20 year old sister yelping madly about how badly she needed to get up in the morning but how sorry she was.... But then sometimes I like to think that maybe CJ was not so insane and destroying your house and your floor and our ceiling, because I never gave a shit anyhow, rather could not stand her high pitched voice.... I was hoping that the crumbling of the ceiling was due to your slowly dying cancerous buttocks attaching themselves to some kind of couch or enormous chair or something causing a near earthquake in our room.... I don't know what it was... Your fatness or your sister's insanity and stupidity that caused the distruction of the ceiling... but I digress... I began this by talking about how I was speculating who in fact was the one who told Soup to grow a pair of balls because of the two of us going mad in a windowless basement punctuated by crazy yelping dogs, psychotic women (including myself but at least I can admit it), HORRIBLE ENDLESS NOISE MUSIC THAT HAPPENED DAY IN AND DAY OUT AND BROUGHT US BOTH TO TEARS, AND TALKING ABOUT SLEEPING, WOKE ME UP SO MANY TIMES FROM GREAT DREAMS ONLY TO REALIZE THE INSANELY MISERABLE SITUATION I WAS IN AND SEEING MY ALSO MENTALLY ILL PARTNER WHO HAS BEGGED YOU SEVERAL TIMES TO CEASE YOUR ENDLESS HORRIBLE FUCKING GODDAMNED BRAIN BLEEDING EAR SCREACHING PATHETIC JOKE OF A GODDAMNED I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU CALL IT BUT YOU CAN BLAME EVERY BIT OF MY INSANE OUTBURSTS FOR THE NEXT TEN YEARS ON THE PTSD OF WAKING UP TO IT AND SEEING MY MENTALLY ILL PARTNER SHELLSHOCKED ON THE FLOOR TWITCHING AND WRITHING AND HOLDING HIS EARS AFTER HE FUCKING BEGGED YOU ENDLESSLY TO STOP AND UNFORTUNATELY HAD TO TRY TO COME IN WITH A BASEBALL BAT AND I DON'T KNOW WHY HE DIDN'T KNOCK YOUR FAT STUPID HEAD TO PIECES BUT HE DIDN'T AND COUNTLESS HOUSE MEETINGS WHERE HE WAS FORCED TO SILENCE ME AT NIGHT AND YOU MY DICKLESS BALLLESS JOBLESS TALENTLESS DEVOID OF ANY SOURCE OF INTELLIGENCE GENITICALLY DEFECTIVE MONGOLOID FORMER UPSTAIRS NEIGHBOR..... YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO TELL HIM TO GROW A PAIR.... I HAVE YET TO EVEN HEAR YOU MASTURBATE OR HAVE ANY EVIDENCE THAT YOU HAVE EVEN FOUND YOUR PHALLUS YOU FAT FUCKING SHIT.... AND MIND YOU THIS IS ALL COMING FROM ME... MEG.... I AM FUCKING ANGRY..... ANGRY AT CJ WHO KNOCKS AT THE DOOR AND KNOWS THAT WE DON'T WANT TO HEAR HER SCREAMING ABOUT NOISE AND HER HORRIBLE WHINY VOICE WHICH IS ONLY EQUAL TO THE HORRIBLE YELPING OF HER DOGS THAT I CAME SOOOO CLOSE TO GOING SON OF SAM ON WHICH ONLY COMES SECOND TO YOUR SAD EXCUSE FOR A FUCKING WHATEVER IT IS TALENTLESS RETARDED ATTEMPT AT MAKING SOME KIND OF I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT BUT GOEBELLS HIMSELF WOULD NOT HAVE THE AUDACITY TO USE THE TORTUROUS SOUND OF IT THAT YOU INFLICTED ON US DAY IN AND DAY OUT ON HIS MOST HATED FUCKING VICTIM..... YOU REFUSED TO GET A PRACTICE SPACE!!!!!!!!!!!! AFTER PEOPLE BEGGED YOU TO!!!!!!!!! YOUR WHOLE HOUSE DID!!!!! IF THAT DOES NOT TELL YOU THAT YOUR WHATEVER I WILL NEVER EVEN REFER IT TO A BAND OR MUSIC OR ANYTHING SHORT OF MINDLESS TORTURE AND YOU FUCKING IGNORANTLY REFUSED!!!!!!!!!!! AND COMPLETELY COWARDLY CONTINUED TO INFLICT THAT PAIN ONTO SOUP AND I DAY IN AND DAY OUT WHILE THE OTHER HALF OF THE HOUSE COULD NOT HEAR IT AND YOUR PSYCHOTIC SISTER WAS OFF FUCKING HER DOGS OR SODOMIZING THE ELDERLY OR WHATEVER SHE FUCKING DOES AT FIVE IN THE MORNING THAT IS SO FUCKING IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!!! GO AND FUCK YOURSELF.... OH WAIT...... YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO FUCK ANYTHING..... BECAUSE YOU SIR, IN FACT ARE DEVOID OF GENITALS.... NOT SOUP.... I'VE SEEN THEM.... I'VE HAD MANY A PHALLUS INSIDE OF ME AND HE HAS A GREAT ONE, AND YOU, ON THE OTHER HAND I AGAIN WILL STATE THAT I HAVE NO EVIDENCE THAT YOU HAVE A DICK OR BALLS AND I HAVE NEVER SEEN, HEARD, OR GOD FORBID EVEN COULD IMAGINE YOU WITH ANY MAN, WOMAN, CORPSE, DOG, ROCK, PLANT, SQUASH, DONUT, CARROT (ASK EMILY ABOUT THE LAST TWO I THINK SHE KNOWS A THING OR TWO).... YOU SIR HAVE NO GENETALIA WHATSOEVER..... AND MY ONLY REGRET IS THAT I COULD NEVER SAY IT TO YOUR FACE FOR FEAR OF BEING KICKED OUT ONTO THE MUCH KINDER STREETS OF OAKLAND...... I SHOULD HAVE BEEN SLEEPING IN THE GODDAMNED PARK WITH THE CRACK ADDICTS...... BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT CAME OVER ME FOR THE PAST FOUR MONTHS.... BUT TRUST ME I HAVE EARS... AND I HEAR YOU.... AND I HEAR YOU... AND I HEAR YOU.... AND I HEAR CJ, AND I HEAR SAMSON LAUGHING AND MAKING LIGHT OF REAL LIFE GOING ON UNDERNEATH YOU.... TWO MENTALLY ILL PEOPLE IN A BASEMENT WITH NO FUCKING WINDOWS GOING THROUGH FUCKING MISERY AND YOU FUCKING LAUGHING..... YOUR SISTER YELPING WITH JOY.... AND SAMSON JACKING OFF HIS PROBABLY LARGER THAN LIFE COCK COMPARED TO YOU AND THE OTHER'S UPWARD VAGINA'S ((BUT AGAIN SAMSON'S COCK DOES NOT COMPARE TO THE SIX BIG HAIRY MEDUSA COCKS THAT ARE POSSESSED BY THE WANNABE VEGAN CUM DONUT EATING FATASS EMILY ON THE FLOOR WHO NEVER BTW SAID A FUCKING WORD TO ME EVER EVER EVER THE ENTIRE TIME I WAS THERE AND WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT?!!?!?!??!!!. ) GO DIE IN A SEWER YOU PATHETIC GROUP OF FUCKING MORONS..... I AM SOOOO FUCKING HAPPY TO BE AWAY FROM YOU..... THE ONLY ONE OF YOU BEING OF ANY WORTH MORE THAN THE DIRT UNDER MY PINKIE TOE BEING SOUP..... HAVE YOU EVER EVEN HAD SEX??????? HAVE YOU FOUND YOUR PENIS YET????????? WELL IF I HAD BALLS (AND UNFORTUNATELY I DO NOT AND BECAUSE OF YOUR SAD JUSTICE SYSTEM COULD NOT ENFORCE WHAT I WANTED TO BE THE NOISE HALOCAUST I WAS GOING TO AND ALSO BECAUSE I DID NOT WANT TO DISTURB THE ONLY OTHER INNOCENT ONE THERE, ALEX'S SLEEP, (yes Alex, you and Soup are the only real men that live in that house, sorry for being such a psycho but this is FOUR MONTHS OF MISERY PUNCTUATED BY YOUR FUCKING HOUSEMATES)..... AND SAMUEL YOU OF ALL PEOPLE.... GROW A PAIR.... HAHA.... HAHAHHAHA..... WE LAUGH.... AND LAUGH AND LAUGH..... I HOPE YOU FEEL MY DISGUST AND HATRED FROM WHERE I AM NOW BECAUSE IT WAS ONLY JAIL THAT STOPPED ME FROM SAYING OR DOING SOMETHING UNSPEAKABLE TO YOU AND YOUR HOUSEMATES..... YOU SICK FUCKING BASTARDS.... DOES IT MAKE YOU HAPPY TO LAUGH AT THE LESS FORTUNATE?????. I SIR AM LAUGHING SOOOO HARD RIGHT NOW KNOWING THAT I AM A MILLION MILES AWAY FROM YOU AND YOUR NOT ONLY LACK OF A COCK AND BALLS BUT YOUR INVERTED PENIS THAT IS LOST IN YOUR SISTERS ASS SOMEWHERE...... YOU CAN ALL GET FUCKED BY THOSE TWO YELPING DOGS AND GET DRAGGED ACROSS THE STREET TO THE SENIOR CENTER AND BE HUNG BY THE FEEDING TUBES OF EVERY UNFORTUNATE SOUL THERE... AND THEN DROWNED IN THEIR CHOLOSTOMY BAGS AGAIN JUST BECAUSE I LIKE SAYING IT..... AND WORST OF ALL WHILE IT'S HAPPENING, BE FORCED TO LISTEN TO YOUR OWN "BAND" AND HAVE YOUR EARS BLEED AND BEG AND PLEAD FOR MERCY..... YOU FAT SACK OF SHIT.... GO GET LAID BEFORE YOU CALL A GUY WHO HAS HAD MORE PUSSY IN A WEEK THAN YOU'LL HAVE IN 45 REINCARNATIONS OF YOUR PATHETIC FAT COUCH SITTING LIFE..... AND FEED THAT FAT ASS EMILY A CUM FILLED DOUGHNUT.... A PRESENT FROM ME PERSONALLY..... 1810 ADELINE..... THE AFOREMENTONED RESIDENTS SHOULD BE NOTHING SHORT OF DROWNED AND HANGED BY THE CHOLOSTOMY BAGS OF THE POOR SENIOR CITIZENS ACROSS THE STREETS.... CITIZENS OF OAKLAND!!!!!! I CALL A PLAN OF ACTION RIGHT FUCKING NOW THAT YOU GET DROWNED IN YOUR YELPING DOGS ASSES.... (after cj is done raping them of course)... OH AND GREG.... UHM... god... what can I say?. You honestly disgust me.... When I see you with a woman I want to tear her away and tell her to run and hide because honestly the thought of you and your lack of personality and stupidity depresseses me.... THERE IS ONLY SOOO MUCH OXYGEN AND RESOURSES IN THE WORLD AND MANY OF THE RESIDENTS OF 1810 ADELINE ARE TAKING UP WAAAAY TOOOO MUCH OF THEM.... Save some doughnuts for the Children, Emily, you Fat stupid lame ass ugly bitch.... I remember the first thing I heard you utter out of your cum doughnut filled mouth while spitting and wheezing the entire time was at a show where I met at a show and I heard you say to Soup "I DON'T MEAN TO BE THE BITCH BUT..." WOW.... WAS THAT NOT THE UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE FUCKING DECADE.... USUALLY WHEN PEOPLE SAY THINGS LIKE THAT IT MEANS.... umm, well, they're gonna be a bitch anyways.... I pegged your ugly ass for one immediately.... but little did I know that your fat ass had a dog that you abused and neglected while fronting to be an animal activist and was never home to take care of him and he cried and no one paid attention to him or took him out to even relieve himself.... I HOPE TO GOD YOUR OBESE HEDONISTIC ASS EXPERIENCES THAT FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE.... HAVE YOU EVER IN YOUR LIFE SKIPPED A MEAL?????? OR NOT EATEN LIKE 45 A DAY???????.... well your dog has... many times.... you are a hypocrate and a retard..... I will give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that instead of being the biggest fattest dumbest bitch in Oakland, you do in fact have a few extra chromozomes floating around that fat pelt of yours and you are just sadly retarded and that is why you are such a neglectful horrible bitch.... SO.... FOR THE RETARDED, THE BORED, THE PEOPLE BUSY GETTING SLEEP FOR A BUSY DAY OF YELPING AND BITCHING AND DOG FUCKING TO SUM IT UP.

0. CJ--- YOU DON'T EVEN DESERVE A RANK.... YOU ARE 20 YEARS OLD, GROW UP AND HONESTLY STOP DESTROYING YOUR FLOOR.... AND FIND A GUY TO FUCK AND NOT YOUR DOGS.... RESPECT YOUR ELDERS BITCH... YOU'RE PROBABLY THE ONLY PERSON IN THE HOUSE I AM STRONG ENOUGH TO ACTUALLY BEAT UP AND I REGRET NOT DOING IT... FUCKING COPS....

1. GREG---YOU'RE A FUCKING ASSHOLE. NUFF SAID... SERIOUSLY... I CAN'T WASTE TIME ON YOU.... STOP FORCING YOURSELF ON "CUTE" GIRLS AND DO YOURSELF AND THE WORLD A FAVOR AND OFF YORUSELF IMMEDIATELY.....

2. EMILY--- YOU'RE A FAT STUPID BITCH WHO NEGLECTS HER DOG WHILE FRONTING AS AN ANIMAL RIGHTS ACTIVIST.... EAT A CUM FILLED DOUGHNUT COURTESY OF ME.... AND GO DIRECTLY TO JENNIE CRAIG. PLEASE.... AND STOP THAT WHEEZING DAMMIT!!!!!.

3. SAMSON--- YOU WERE NICE SOMETIMES BUT WHEN YOU LAUGH AT PEOPLE'S MISERY, IT'S PATHETIC, AND SO ARE YOU, AND YOU SIR, ALTHOUGH YOU POSESS A PHALLIS DESERVE TO BE HUNG BY GRANNDMA'S CHOLOSTOMY BAG.

4. SAMUEL--- UMMM.... YEA.... GROW A PAIR?????..... Why don't you fucking check if you even HAVE A PAIR AND THEN YOU CAN TELL PEOPLE TO GROW A PAIR.... GET A LIFE, PLEASE DEVIRGINIZE YOURSELF, I'LL BUY YOU A POCKET PUSSY IF YOU REALLY NEED ONE, AND ALSO STOP LAUGHING AT REAL LIFE MISERY AND GET SOME SEMBLENCE OF YOUR OWN LIFE.... PLEASE... FAST... GO DO IT... GET OFF THE COUCH... C'MON FAT ASS... YOU CAN DO IT... GET UP... C'MON.... YOU CAN DO IT BIG BOY.... OH YEA AND I WIPED MY PISSED SOAKED VAGINA AND ASS WITH YOUR SKI CAP BEFORE RETURNING IT... IT WAS A JOY TO SEE IT ON YOUR HEAD AFTERWARDS!.

5. THIS IS A SPECIAL ONE FOR "THE BAND"--- FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY IN THIS WORLD ALLAH, JESUS, GANESH, JAH, GOD, PLEASE GIVE IT UP.... YOU SUCK NOW.... I HAVE LIVED WITH SEVERAL BANDS, MANY THAT TOUR THE WORLD.... NEVER ONE THAT PRACTICED DAILY.... YOU WILL NEVER GET BETTER.... THE SOUND OF ORPHANS CRYING, THE SOUND OF WHALES DYING, THE SOUND OF THE CEILING CRUMBLING DOWN WHILE CJ IS RAPING A DEAD SENIOR CITIZEN WITH HER TWO STUPID FERAL DOGS FUCKING AND YELPNG IN A CACOPHONY OF PURE UNADULTERATED EAR BLEEDING MIND NUMBING TERROR IS LIKE A LULLABYE COMPARED TO YOUR BAND, AND DON'T YOU DARE USE THAT AS A SLOGAN UNLESS YOU GIVE ME, Meg, CREDIT FOR IT CUZ I ALREADY KNOW YOU'LL BE SO PROUD THAT SOMEONE TOOK THE TIME TO ACTUALLY ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR PATHETIC ASSES AND WHATEVER IT IS YOU DO WHEN SAMUEL IS NOT EATING OR TRYING TO GET OFF THE COUCH (or getting my vaginastink off his face haha) AND SAMSON IS NOT LOOKING AT HIMSELF IN THE MIRROR AND JACKING OFF TO CHILD PORN (yea, you're a pervert, but not a cool one), or laughing at the people being driven mad by your music, GET A FUCKING PRACTICE SPACE ALREADY, OR ENLIST WITH THE GOVERNMENT IN ORDER TO PLAY TO GET PEOPLE IN GUANTANAMO BAY TO CONFESS TO MURDERS THEY DID NOT COMMIT IN ORDER TO STOP LISTENING TO YOUR MUSIC.... BECAUSE THAT'S ALL IT'S GOOD FOR.... TORTURE AND DRIVING PEOPLE MAD...... BUT god why am I giving you all this credit.... you just suck!!!!!

6. SAMUEL---OH YEA AND SOUP HAS BALLS, AND A DICK TOO, AND THEY TASTE MUCH BETTER THAN YOUR SKI CAP DOES NOW!!!!. FUCK OFF LIKE TEN MILLION MORE TIMES YOU FAT FUCKING LOSER.

7. EMILY-- YOU ARE A SOCIALLY INEPT LOSER.

8. WAYLAND-- YOU SEEM AWESOME, SORRY YOUR "ANIMAL LOVING" MOTHER NEGLECTS YOU.

9. CHARLIE-- YOU ARE FUCKING AWESOME.... I ENJOYED MY LAST TWO DAYS WITH YOU... STAY AWAY FROM CJ...

10.THE YELPERS-- YOU TWO DOGS ALMOST MADE ME GO "SON OF SAM" LIKE I SAID. since your owner is probably too young and stupid to understand that reference, tell her to have someone look it up on wikipedia and read it to her dumb ass... it involves an undiciplined dog that does not shut up and drives a man to serial murder.

the others... all my love... Julie. thanks for being nice. Keep shakin those titties. (that's not an insult, I do sex work too) Alexis, thanks for letting us use your car and being nice, although at some times I felt as if you hated me, but I liked that you had a boyfriend that you fought with too (i'll miss BIG DICK DANNIE... give him my love), and Alex, you are an angel... DON'T EVER CHANGE... Enjoy the chicken costume!!!!.

XOXO.

MEG.

AGAIN SORRY TO BE SUCH A COWARD AND NOT TELL YOU THIS TO YOUR FACES... BUT I WAS IN JAIL ONCE IN YOUR STATE... IT SUCKED... I DIDN'T WANT IT AGAIN... I TRIED MY NOISE HALOCAUST THE LAST NIGHT I WAS THERE BUT SOUP GOT SCARED AND I DIDN'T WANNA HURT THE INNOCENT (Alex.. and just so you know alex, honestly I wanted to do that noise thing so bad I was going to PAY for a PROSTITUTE AND A MOTEL ROOM FOR YOU FOR THE NIGHT AFTER YOU PROTESTED, but Soup said you probably wouldn't go for the prostitute... TOO SWEET!). I really wanted to keep those three up all night... At least Samuel is now responsible for fixing the door now, not Soup. ADDED BONUS!!!. CJ-- HEARING YOU CRY MADE ME CUM.

BEWARE THE PLAGUE OF LOCUST (fans)

BEWARE THE PLAGUE OF LOCUST (FANS)- AN AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL ACCOUNT FROM AN INDIE ROCK INTERNET TERRORIST.

I have to start this story by going back about 12 years... let's say 1999... A much simpler time. A time before 9-11 had occured. A time when the end of humanity was not constantly tapping us on the shoulder to remind us that the horsemen were on their way to get us. A time when people in turbans were simply referred to as "camel jockies" not terrorists. A time that the only needles that were ever stuck in my arm were to give me vaccines by doctors. A time when the Fireside Bowl was the main place to go and kids of any age could attend the shows there, and Logan Square was the "cool" neighborhood to live in in Chicago. A time where it seemed like every rock show I did attend seemed to revolve around one type of music and style where people dressed in all black, with pants that fit like a second skin, and everyone had black hair that was perfectly coiffed and hairsprayed into a beautiful work of art that was often referred to as "the spock". A time when people cared about their appearance and were all skinny and beautiful and fashion mattered and clothing was not just some semen covered shit smelling rag that you threw over your body just to cover up your fat rolls or track marks or whatever pockmarked venerial disease that covers your body. Kids CARED about their appearance. It took TIME to fix their hair and butter and squirm their fat legs into their way too skinny pants. You used to be able to trace the outlines of every hair, vein, and wrinkle of the phallices of the barely post pubescent males that frequented the Fireside Bowl in their tight black pants..... A friday night at the Fireside Bowl presented a scene that NAMBLA, as a collective entity, could not even imagine if they used even the most super superior superb pervert old man boy loving imaginations... OOOh.... If I had only lost my 'rape virginity' earlier, if I was the twisted perverse broken down hooker trash freak that I am today what I would do to those boys would make Marquis DeSade himself weep... Those wonderful boys.... That fashion.... My unscarred arms.... the in tact twin towers.... ((FINALLY HAD TO MASTURBATE TO THAT LAST ONE)). A simpler time... an easier time... THE GREATEST GENERATION. And then there was HIM. At the center of this hot new ultra cool nambla cock dripping style seemed to be ONE BAND... ONE MAN... THE KING OF THE SPOCKS... HIM... THE MERE UTTERANCE OF HIS NAME WOULD SHATTER EVERY PIECE OF GLASS IN A ROOM... To bask in a mere image of him would surely cause a Jihad amongst the most peaceful of Buddhist monks... And trying to possibly recant being in HIS UBER DIVINE BEYOND GODLIKE Presence, myself being an inferior jackall of a mortal with a penchant for stringing language together and every word in the english language to possibly describe it (it being, being in HIS PRESENCE, if you forgot, I did) I would not even dare attempt to. Mick Jagger be DAMNED... David Bowie, heh, David SMHOWIE... JESUS WHO?... The BURST OF PHEREMONES alone when JUSTIN PEARSON entered a room would make every female within a fifteen mile radius squirt so hard and so violently that San Diego, CA, the holyland where HE chose to reside, suffered from a bout of massive floods of female jism. In fact in the summer of 1998, it is a little known fact and is said to be a government coverup that the San Diego neighborhood where HE resided, Hillside, had to be raised 300 feet above sea level due the frequency at which he was seen and the sheer amount of cum that at once engulfed it. The government paid 30 billion dollars to do this because they knew that this UBER DIETY needed a residence. Just like you or I! and they quickly constructed an invisible mountain so that HE may walk around his neighborhood safely without danger of the homes being engulfed by the involuntary squirting of sooo many woman. HIS NAME WAS JUSTIN PEARSON... such a modest name for SUCH A PERFECT BEING. A reliable source claims that he was born with his proper moniker Perfect McPerfect Ubersexy Rockstar Makesyoucuminyourpants, but he changed it because he chose to walk the earth with the mortals and his modesty was fierce. His Band, as if I even need to say the name, as if man woman or child walking the planet does not know, was called THE LOCUST. There is no need for me to go into their story... Everyone knows how the band was formed... the volcano, the second coming of Muhammed, the pentium 6 guitar that fell from niburu that Pearson caught with his 45 inch unerect phallus, we all know how they were formed. IT HAS BEEN WRITTEN. And I am no prophet, so I need not write it again. And for that year 1999, many brainless fools unfortunately got the mark of the Locust tattooed upon them in an effort to get into their numerous live (I would hate to merely call them shows) shows free of charge. The attempts were all in vein because what these poor fools could not grasp is that the mark of the Locust could NEVER make them what they wanted to be, or save them 8 bux on a Saturday night. Justin Pearson was of course BORN with the mark of THE LOCUST and a stupid plagarized tattoo of the band would never bring them closer to HIM. But, what can be said about humans except that we are flawed. The man was a God walking the earth, not unlike the HOPE DIAMOND IN A PORT-O-LET. How could we not want to look, dress, act, talk, walk, fuck, smell, drive, order food, open a door, pull out a chair, play baseball, hold a fork, eat a hamburger, remove a sock, step on a nail, wear a kimono, cook a hotdog, smack your son, laugh at a fat lady falling down at wal-mart, or play guitar like this "person" who embodied everything that was everything about rock and roll, sex appeal, and penis size?. Again... We are humans... WE ARE FLAWED... It was JUST A different time THEN. A different time..... I mean like you know the internet had barely been invented, It was all about raw sex and love back then... It was not the ugly dog orifice of a deathtrap we unwillingly drag our sick lonely bodies to get violently ass raped at our siberian death camps they like to call jobs and try with every muscle that still barely works in our dying bodies to perhaps crack something sadly resembling a smile to convince ourselves that this cold wasteland that we suffer through day in and day out is worth rolling our cum soaked emaciated bodies out of our vermin infested beds each day to live this life... Yep. A different time. 1999. A time when Justin Pearson and the Locust ruled the FUCKING GALAXY!!!!.

END OF PART 1.