The Eternal Appeal of Incest

People say that prostitution was the very first profession, at least the pimps do when they’re trying to talk me into a new and interesting occupation. It makes sense though; as long as there were women, there was sex, and before money even existed, people exchanged goods and services to be with these women.

Now if you are Bible-carrying folk--or even if you are not--it would seem to me that in order to procreate, incest had to exist. It exists in the natural world all over. Most animals have been known to procreate by sleeping with brothers, sisters, mothers, or fathers.

Royalty, dating from very far back until the present day, has been rumored to fuck family members to keep the regal blood in the family. It is also rumored that this accounts for how fucking weird world leaders have been throughout history. You get a family that constantly fucks each other and then give them a bunch of power and all this bizarre history happens.

Incest is very off-putting and rarely talked about among most people. It has always interested me. Not necessarily because of its rich history, just because anything that is viewed as being a very deviant sexual practice interests me.

As far as any other deviant sexual practices such as pedophilia or any type of fetish (foot, balloon, baby, monkey), incest seems the most natural to me. I mean who is closer to a person than their family? And it did take me some time when I was young to learn that you were supposed to love your family, but you weren’t supposed to “love” them.

I experienced this sort of “love” for a family member first with my cousin Danny. He was about seven years older than me, and around the age of five or six, I used to follow him all over the house and tell him how cute he was. And he was!

Boys appealed to me early on, especially my family members. I could even go far enough to say that cousin Danny was my first crush. He was already past the age of knowing that incest was not cool, and eventually I reached that age...I think.

When parents give a sex talk to their kids, there has to be some kind of “you should not be attracted to your brother or cousin” addendum. Or maybe most people don’t need it. I don’t recall ever having one. When I was young, no one ever discouraged me from following little Danny around, so I figured it was okay. But then I somehow realized it was not.

My father forever hammered the idea into my mind that our family was descended from an incestuous relationship between my great grandmother and great grandfather, whom I never met, but who shared the same last name of Flood. They were said to be first cousins.

It is a belief that one of the reasons that incest is socially forbidden is the fact that the offspring of the incestuous couple will grow up to be insane and their brains won’t properly develop. Sometimes it means that they will become geniuses, other times it means that they will be retarded. That’s a fine line anyway. Other times, I’ve heard, incest babies have a bluish tint to their skin, like Smurfs.

What I deduce from this is that if you fuck a cousin, you get a really cool kid.

So back to my great grandparents. I don’t know if my father made this little fact up just from his bizarre sense of humor--or because he is insane and needs a reason for it--but I have heard the same thing from other family members on his side, who are also not all there mentally.

Family fucking would definitely make sense in my bloodline, considering my great aunts and uncles. Two of them died in mental hospitals. One of them became a nun. One of them was a homosexual and a pedophile who sold socks and contraceptives on the street to make a living. Another was a homeless alcoholic hustler.

And then there was my grandmother. She was a very cruel alcoholic who managed to spawn four of the most bizarre children ever. Each generation is supposed to be a bit less insane, and they are, but they are far from being close to normal. All have problems. Too many to list.

I have always fantasized (especially when I was growing up an only child) about having a brother who was around my age who was my best friend, and who could be there for me throughout my freakshow childhood and witness what went on in my home and help me make sense of it all.

I wish I could craft him myself, so that he was a male version of me and he’d have all the same problems and redeeming qualities as me, and he would completely understand me and one day we would run away and get married. I could have fantasized this all happening with a friend, but when I was a kid it was a sibling--and not a sister, a brother.

Then Dream Brother and I would have all these kids that were blue and retarded and we’d live on a big empty lot in the desert and maybe start a cult (this is a bit more of me getting older, like my junior-high fantasies).

Just thinking about how perfect this would all be excites me all over again. I wish I had a brother. All of my cousins are too lame to carry my plan out. None of them would go along without some kind of mind-control device.

Even though Danny has disappeared from the family because his mother is an intolerable greedy bitch, and he has a real taste for cocaine, I think he would still be the best option in the family for me to execute this plan. I’m sure if he ever heard this he would be horrified and never want to talk to me again. Maybe not.

There is another thing I think about all the time regarding incest. I have discovered on a couple of different occasions in my life that I had more brothers and sisters than I thought I had.

Papa was a rolling stone and he drank a lot and was with a bunch of women who I guess were popping babies out left and right. We were always changing our identities when I was growing up because he did not want to pay child support for all these kids.

Sometimes I meet people and think that they could very well be one of my brothers or sisters. I’d like to think that it has happened and will happen again, but it is a far stretch, I know.

If I found out that someone that I was with was actually my brother, I would be more intrigued than angry. Things like that do happen. I love to entertain the fact that that possibility exists. It makes me feel better about the world.