watching andy ortmann is like watching a man who castrated himself. he has 16 holes in his dick and it looks like a fucking sprinkler when he's peeing. Noise Music is an extention of one's cock and what a great one he has. It's fucking disgusting. He got caught raping a 12 year old girl and spent 13 years in Angola prison for it. She only charged him a tootsie roll. he loved that woman since she was 12 years old. When he molested her. he took her hear and soul. She liked it on the kitchen table. He liked it on the Karatw mat. He said love me or I'll punch you in the mouth. He's proud to be a redneck from Chicago. He likes to watch black people make chicken pies.

Phillip's baby died yesterday. He wasn't much of a dad. He said Oh dear I'll kill you here. He took out his 44 and aimed it at her head. He dragged her by her long black hair and chucked her in the river yesterday. His lofe had changed, he's now deranged now she and him must part. He's got blood clots in his legs folks watchout! As Mr. Miagi says the pain of life is much worse than the pain of death. Aint that right Phillip?.

Melanie's a queer. Tryin to scare all the straight fucks outa here.

rave trauma. When I was age 15 thru 18 I was doin all types of bad shit. My mom was dating a scumbag so he was out at her house all night often. I remember I would sneak out of the house and go ass deep into the chicago ghettos looking for a party. Then I'd take my telemarketing money and blow it on drugs. They started out like acid, ecstacty, special k, bath salts and fun party drugs, but they got harder. And shit got darker. Coke. Crack. Heroin. Meth. We went to a party on valentine's day. We went to the pharmacy down the street and We made a killing in line and didn't even have to go into the party so we bolted and didn't even go in. Drove all the way to Dayton Ohio for that theft. We lived it up in a shitty motel room doing coke that we were traded and all sorts of debauchery and sleaze went on that night.
On another drug rip off scam I had, I started crushing effidrine to use for meth. I would crush it up and package it in little baggies. People loved that shit. They came back for more. I was ballin that night too and got all sorts of coke and acid and bags of shit. It ruled. Mo money Mo problems as biggie says and the very next day when I was going to give my friends who had dropped out of the navy for being drug addicts the coke I had, Well on the way My friends and  I were taking rips off of a huge bong in the car. It was awesome except that it was a huge ass bong. Not discreet. I complained to the driver about his ginormous bong and when we went to the parking lot of the suburban motel that my navy dropout friends went out we saw the flashing lights and knew we were busted. Now getting busted for pot is one thing. But getting busted for having over 500 dollars cash, being 15, and having cocaine and acid was bonerific for these pigs. They searched me and I kept it cool. They searched me another time, and another. I had that shit stashed good. They searched me a fourth time and that was it. They found it. And my mother had to come and find out that her daughter was a fuckup. I had to do probation and drug tests and don't ask me how I got through it but I did. She stopped sleeping at the scumfuck's house and I got grounded for the first time in my life! 2 weeks. We were total scumbag ravers. Sleeping at crackhouse afterhours where there were these two little boys who would try to fuck us. I mean we were being raped by children in these houses!.  Not to mention the sleazoid creepers who were around. Rave Trauma be damned.  The upside to this story is that i got a college scholarship because I was a scumbag on probation and there was this ingenious state program to help juvenile delinquants go to college so they paid for my college and my books. Fuck college though. Useless bullshit.

I got to hang out with my friend Ryan this week. He is on a deathtrip after his braindamaging accident. He used to be the sweetest little scumbag who painted hearts all over my bus. But now no he's a raping pillaging scumfuck who is on a deathrage. He was already half braindead before the accident, but now he's absolutely batshit crazy. It's awesome. "C'mon Meg, you my girl, my queen bee, the queen atop my illuminati pyramid, now let's go kidnap someone". I am crazy and impulsive and I have many vices, but I didn't want to include kidnapping in my repoitoire. I hate young people. They're crazy. I'm 32 and I can't take these young amped up lunatics anymore. I like to sit in my apartment and hate people from afar, not encounter them.

I hate my fucking neighbors. This one is a pathetic waste of life. It's not my fault that i live next door to a fucking neanderthal narc. /what is the point of having a civilization if we are no longer interested in being civilized.  He just got out of prison for embezzlement and boy is he a little fucking shitbag. His name is Donald Kubesco. He is a complete piece of shit who hits on all the female roommates (including myself). He is disgusting. Cruises facebook for underaged girls when he's like 59 himself. Mary Kay Latourneau be dammed this guy's got you. Fuck her. He's one of those creepoids on facebook who doesn't have a photo. it's hard when your life has been out of control your whole life to put it in control and not go on a killing spree. This guy really rapes my cock off. I can't fucking stand him. He came into my room stole my vodka and then he fucking tweeked me out about his fucking parole officer coming in and possibly busting my room for smoking pot so maybe I won't go on a fucking killing spree. It's the only thing that keeps me from it. And theeenn I saw him on the street and he told me he'd narc me out to the feds (like the feds care about pot) if it would keep him out of prison. I told him to behead himself. Fucking narc. Fucking honkey. Fucking pederast.

I got a new pervert that was some freaky ass black dude who sounded young and then blew me off cuz cwouldn't fuck him in the ass. Fucking freak. He wanted to bring coke over too. What a fucking wackjob. He wanted me to do coke so I'd get crazy freaky with him which was not going to happen. I hate young johns. I like old men. They are usually more debilitated and pathetic which makes for an easier session. This young buck wanted everything. In an hours time. He wanted to watch me masturbate, me and my boyfriend have sex, my boyfriend to watch me fuck him in the ass. What a fucking nightmare this horrible pile of shit is. I would have loved to have beat the living shit out of him. Fucking wastes of life. Everywhere around me. I love it. They never manage to stop the anger in me.

Living here sucks. The neighbors are terrible. They are all meddling fucking assholes. There is one particular prick Donald, a 58 year old pedophile who just got out of prison for embezzlement. He is a completely pathetic waste of fucking life. He writes to faraway girls on facebook and falls in love with them and they're always eighteen. He was a friend of mine until he busted up in my room and tweeked me out about his fucking parole officer coming in the next day and us smoking pot. Like the fucking feds care about potheads. He busted into my room and stole my vodka.  Then later I saw him and my boyfriend and I said he was still\on our shitlist and he said he'd fucking narc us out for smoking pot to THE FEDS in order to keep his shithead ass out of prison.  He sings musical songs and is constantly singing and dancing when he's not in his room contemplating suicide. I used to be worried that he would be hanging himself in his room to the violent classical music he plays but now I'm not so worried. That narc deserves to die. I told him to behead himself because he's pathetic. Donald is a waste of life.

.My friend has the most famous ass in all the world. Her name is Sandy Nutts  and WOW whattan ass she has. Holy Cow. That ass is so fresh and big it has it’s own zip code.  It takes my breath away. Her name is Sandy Nutts and it couldn’t be more fitting name. Her hot black dad is a standup comic and I think his ultimate joke to name his kid Sandy Nutts. It’s great. I would fuck that dad so hard. Him and an ex crack addict white bitch bred the greatest ass ever.

Sticking my head in that ass is not unlike a shower after a rape. Pure extacy. A moment of pure unadulterated exctacy. And she lets people do it. Stick their heads in her ass. She lets me do it. Oh that ass. It’s amazing. She works as a paid hooker during the day, massaging men and jacking them off. That’s her dayjob. That ass is worth money. She got a pair of panties that say FAMOUS on them and she wears them like everyday. She was super bummed that she dumped her diva cup accidentally on them and ruined them.  There is a photo of her famous ass at a rusty lazer concert where it was raining men and women and sweaty ass scumfucks waitin to hump someone’s ass. Well Sandy Nutts wears her Famous panties there and girl knows how to twerk it with that ass. She is bodacious. She got a famous photo of her famous ass published. 

One time we got into a fight about our stripper name. Dizzy can’t stand up. It was an epic battle of the Dizzy Can’t stand ups. She’s on a different wavelength of Dizzy Can’t stand up. Whereas I am the broken down pro anna stripper who is constantly dizzy and stumbles over things on a regular basis. That fine ass hustla can work it and it makes me dizzy just hanging out with her. It was an epic battle of wills like I said. Which one of us is too dizzy to stand up is yet to be told. I guess she was with a friend and she said she was Dizzy and couldn’t stand up so her friend said that would be a good stripper name for her. Fuck that. That’s my stripper name. I live in a world of sleaze and sweaty pathetic lonely desire. Perverts that pay me to pick my feet. I have a pervert who is a cripple with cerebral palsy who loves my ass. He can’t stop texting me. What can you do when a cripple’s sole desire is to have you beat them?. You do it. He’s a cripple. I would do it with him for free.

Anyways back to Sandy’s famous ass. The other night in a booze and coke filled frenzy I got to stick my face in that hot ass not once but twice. I would make a pilgrimage for that ass. I would follow Sandy nutt like the jews did to escape Egypt. Her ass could part the red sea. It’s just that big. All she’d have to do is sit on it. That fat ass is the red sea, which she makes in her diva DIVA CUP every month and it dumps out all over her famous panties and she hates it. 

That ass is all over town. And it makes it all over town and it sits all over the house. Her ass is so big it could sink the titanic. She could melt that glacier quickly with the mere girth of that black girl’s ass. I am so jealous of that bodacious bootie with my measly old pro anna ass hangs like a sad slave on a holiday Christmas tree next to that ass. A slave hanging from a Christmas tree. That’s what happens when our asses get together. Yes Sandy Nutt’s ass is a bodacious mess. She is a good person. She deserves a gold metal of asses for her ass.

Lilprincess phd. Esq.

We’re going to play a game. Whoever wins it. Wins it. Get down notecards and write your points down. Let’s make this interesting here.

69 rules to fuck up a party.

Rules rules rules.

1^st. rule. Please be sure to punch a hole in that half dead wall over there. 5 pts.

2^nd rule, please feel free to punch anyone in the room. 10 pts.

3^rd rule, please feel free to smoke pot cigarettes, crack, chase the dragon, anything you want in here. Anything goes.10pts

4^th rule. We must all accept that we are fucking losers, not winners. Depressed wastes of life living to die. 15 points.

5^th rule. If you like to humiliate yourself on stage 6 points.

6^th unconsentual sex is worth 8 points

7^th gettin freaky on the dance floor 9 points

8^th trying to kill yourself 50 points youll win!. Cmon fat boy I know you want to do it. It’s like Jack Kevorkian. Life doesn’t always turn out as you planned does it? Huh. No don’t do it. I’m kidding. It’s a joke.

9^th hate and anger get you ten points

10^th hot dog sucking gets you 5 points

11^th little boy fucking gets you 80 points. You’re a fucking militia. You could do it. You could. I’m talking to you you could.

12^th packin heat so they say gets you 60 points. There’s never anything better to bring to a comedy show than a gun.

13^th drawing dicks all over everyone gets you 10 points. Especially towards the butt. Drawing dicks on anyone will get you points.

14^th guys and girls who are in this for the pussy 10 points. If you go home and fuck after this 50 points. That’s as much as suicide!!!! Think about it folks.

15.th If this pathetic perverse sideshow sucks that bad pull your eyeballs out and set them on fire 18 points.

16. If you blow a chance to fuck a girl/guy. He’ll fuck you good. With his cock. Till he’s done. Negative 27 points.  You’ll make him wish he had two dicks.

17. Getting Paris Hilton here and making her fuck all of us 28 points.

18. the biggest vagina here 16 points.

19. If you vomit 12 points.

20. Llck a lady’s Vay g-

21. Black people interrupting 15 points. Make the experience better. Black people bring the party right Darius?.

22. Making me piss my pants 20 points

23. going to sleep or passing out 12 points.

24. pissing your pants 25 points.

25. Stay late on a Wednesday. Like anyone here has jobs. Just fucking sleep until you wake up 12 points.

26. If  you feel like you’re at an aa meeting in a basement 2 points.

27. Waking up with a dead body in your trunk (no shit I heard this story at an aa meeting) and you don’t know where it came from. 75 points

28. Shoving a prom baby in a garbage dumpster 20 points.

29. Burning your name on the surface of the moon 40 points.

30. killing a sober person. They are the most annoying people on the planet. They’re all on a fucking rampage and they suck. 30 points 

31. Dropkicking a baby. 27 points.

32. having a mental disorder. 18 points

33. beating the retarded 16 points.

34.don’t laugh. Laughing too much or too little will cost you 17 points.

35. you come up here and rape your dreams 6 points.

36. if you always wanted to be on the oc 8 points.

37. if you feel like you are listening to the babblings of a mental patient 5 points.

38. if you jam 4 rubix cubes up your ass while you remain erect and bleed all over the floor 5

39. if you love the 3 f’s food fun and fisting.

40. if you ejaculate your central nervous system into a pinball machine and make it bleed. 45 points.

41. If you wanna fuck a black man 12 points. One of those ghetto rich prepaid cellphone bitches.

42. 2 secure guys cornholing on stage 15 points.

45. Teabagging gets you 20 points.

46. Beatin your dick hard because you’re a lonely pathetic pervert 10 pts.

47. bringin the pain Top gun style. 21.

48. you just got parolled yesterday 25 points.

49. you laugh your cunt off. Let it fall on the floor an pick it back up 19 points.

50. fuck a crippled person 23 points.

60.Hit a bitch in the cunt with a shovel. 15 points.

61. if you have a name for your penis, a p.o. box and an address. 15 points.

62. If you shit into a bag 20 points.

63. if you’re one of those clean guys who piss in the shower. -9 points

64. If you have a name for your dick. 12 points.

65. if you wax your cunt and you’re a white girl just get with a black guy he don’t give a fuck -15 points.

66. you have pending court cases-10 points.

67. If you’re wearing an ankle bracelet-12 points.

68.if you hate white people-30 points

69. If you’re a black person who named their daughter porcha-20 points

70. if you get raped and make a paaaarrrty- 13 points.

71. If you get a shower afterwards- -2 points

74. you’ve smuggled drugs in your ass-15 points

game to get a party started.

Lilprincess phd. Esq.

We’re going to play a game. Whoever wins it. Wins it. Get down notecards and write your points down. Let’s make this interesting here.

69 rules to fuck up a party.

Rules rules rules.

1^st. rule. Please be sure to punch a hole in that half dead wall over there. 5 pts.

2^nd rule, please feel free to punch anyone in the room. 10 pts.

3^rd rule, please feel free to smoke pot cigarettes, crack, chase the dragon, anything you want in here. Anything goes.10pts

4^th rule. We must all accept that we are fucking losers, not winners. Depressed wastes of life living to die. 15 points.

5^th rule. If you like to humiliate yourself on stage 6 points.

6^th unconsentual sex is worth 8 points

7^th gettin freaky on the dance floor 9 points

8^th trying to kill yourself 50 points youll win!. Cmon fat boy I know you want to do it. It’s like Jack Kevorkian. Life doesn’t always turn out as you planned does it? Huh. No don’t do it. I’m kidding. It’s a joke.

9^th hate and anger get you ten points

10^th hot dog sucking gets you 5 points

11^th little boy fucking gets you 80 points. You’re a fucking militia. You could do it. You could. I’m talking to you you could.

12^th packin heat so they say gets you 60 points. There’s never anything better to bring to a comedy show than a gun.

13^th drawing dicks all over everyone gets you 10 points. Especially towards the butt. Drawing dicks on anyone will get you points.

14^th guys and girls who are in this for the pussy 10 points. If you go home and fuck after this 50 points. That’s as much as suicide!!!! Think about it folks.

15.th If this pathetic perverse sideshow sucks that bad pull your eyeballs out and set them on fire 18 points.

16. If you blow a chance to fuck a girl/guy. He’ll fuck you good. With his cock. Till he’s done. Negative 27 points.  You’ll make him wish he had two dicks.

17. Getting Paris Hilton here and making her fuck all of us 28 points.

18. the biggest vagina here 16 points.

19. If you vomit 12 points.

20. Llck a lady’s Vay g-

21. Black people interrupting 15 points. Make the experience better. Black people bring the party right Darius?.

22. Making me piss my pants 20 points

23. going to sleep or passing out 12 points.

24. pissing your pants 25 points.

25. Stay late on a Wednesday. Like anyone here has jobs. Just fucking sleep until you wake up 12 points.

26. If  you feel like you’re at an aa meeting in a basement 2 points.

27. Waking up with a dead body in your trunk (no shit I heard this story at an aa meeting) and you don’t know where it came from. 75 points

28. Shoving a prom baby in a garbage dumpster 20 points.

29. Burning your name on the surface of the moon 40 points.

30. killing a sober person. They are the most annoying people on the planet. They’re all on a fucking rampage and they suck. 30 points 

31. Dropkicking a baby. 27 points.

32. having a mental disorder. 18 points

33. beating the retarded 16 points.

34.don’t laugh. Laughing too much or too little will cost you 17 points.

35. you come up here and rape your dreams 6 points.

36. if you always wanted to be on the oc 8 points.

37. if you feel like you are listening to the babblings of a mental patient 5 points.

38. if you jam 4 rubix cubes up your ass while you remain erect and bleed all over the floor 5

39. if you love the 3 f’s food fun and fisting.

40. if you ejaculate your central nervous system into a pinball machine and make it bleed. 45 points.

41. If you wanna fuck a black man 12 points. One of those ghetto rich prepaid cellphone bitches.

42. 2 secure guys cornholing on stage 15 points.

45. Teabagging gets you 20 points.

46. Beatin your dick hard because you’re a lonely pathetic pervert 10 pts.

47. bringin the pain Top gun style. 21.

48. you just got parolled yesterday 25 points.

49. you laugh your cunt off. Let it fall on the floor an pick it back up 19 points.

50. fuck a crippled person 23 points.

60.Hit a bitch in the cunt with a shovel. 15 points.

61. if you have a name for your penis, a p.o. box and an address. 15 points.

62. If you shit into a bag 20 points.

63. if you’re one of those clean guys who piss in the shower. -9 points

64. If you have a name for your dick. 12 points.

65. if you wax your cunt and you’re a white girl just get with a black guy he don’t give a fuck -15 points.

66. you have pending court cases-10 points.

67. If you’re wearing an ankle bracelet-12 points.

68.if you hate white people-30 points

69. If you’re a black person who named their daughter porcha-20 points

70. if you get raped and make a paaaarrrty- 13 points.

71. If you get a shower afterwards- -2 points

74. you’ve smuggled drugs in your ass-15 points

 75. if you poop  in a pool.

I do domination sex work and I have a slave with cerebral palsy. Yes he has cerebral palsy and is very excitable. He sends me text messages all the time about how naughty he Is and lots of smilie faces. I think that he is so excited that someone would beat the shit out of a retard. Well he found the right girl. I’ll hop on that retard in a drug fueled frenzy.  I’m gonna wail the shit out him. I have yet to meet him. He’s so stoked on me. I wonder if he wants me to go there though. That he’s a crippled bitch. What do I do about this. I’ve never had a crippled client before. Crippled humiliation is fucked. But he’s so fucken stoked.

That happens soon. But I can’t fucking wait. I’ll beat up a retard. I don’t care. Especially since this is what he really fucking wants. Like more than anything. Someone to beat up his retarded ass.  This is why he’s so excitable and this seems to be the single thing he wants in his life. To be spit on and humiliated. Why would you want to pass that up?.  I’d dropkick a retard into the lake if it meant it would make him happy. A retard is the highest compliment I could pay someone. I work with autistic savants  and I love them all… fucken can’t button their own pants but they can make awesome art.

Today I had to explain the months of the year to my boyfriend. Fucking retard. He did not know the months of the year. I love the retarded. He asked me what month it was and when summer and fall were. It was like teaching a child. The retarded are great.

I went to Rocky Horror Picture Show at midnight the other night expecting a drug fueled frenzy of a midnight movie like it used to be.  Not only did it suck, they checked my bag. They took my drink and it fucking sucked. To sit through that annoying torture of a show stone cold sober when you’re a fucking alcoholic is nothing short of the 7^th rung of hell. Fucking retards. Theatre scum.

I got some yogart on the bed and my boyfriend got angry. He said that it was gross.  There’s cum all over the bed. What the fuck does he care?

I was a scumbag. A real scumfuck. Hence the name Scumbalina. Scumbalina was an obvious name for me. I was a methadone addict who lived la vida loca. I was rockin and rollin on drugs and I was amped up to go. Mike made me a mascot for Gays in the military, Daddy McPaddy’s rockin ass cumbag explosion of a band. I remember they wanted to cover an elo song  elo song and they could not (very ambitious) and a band member cried because they could not do it.  Yes a male band member cried. Fucking pussies.   I used to run around mostly naked and in a drug, lonely, hell fueled frenzy and toss out pornography to the audience.  Mike was this older sober guy and it made no sense to me why he took such an interest in me. But he did. What the fuck was it about me that he liked?.  This older sober very interesting fellow. I guess it was because I’m crazy. Or a nut magnet.  He sensed the nut in me.  One or the other. I guess he used to do drugs and understood. He was a good guy. Old I thought but good.

Talk about rock and roll changing your life. Well the collaboration with Daddy McP. Startest one of the most fun times of my life.  When he and Brian Collins started Gays in the military and made My character, scumbalina embodied me and I embodied her. A drugged out crazy naked bitch who gave out mountains of porno, left over from mr.skin’s bombardment of tit flicks, and it made people extatic. Scumbalina made people exctatic. FREE PORNO!!!! Of course they were exctatic. I was a scummy naked fucked up pregnant looking crazy person.

The amount of methadone I was on when I was scumbalina made for constipation which meant impacted shit. The impacted shit made me look 100% preggers which made for some interesting banter, about me being pregnant on my drug fueled journey.  It was fucking hot. A skinny preggers chick. I played it off to my advantage. I would write messages on my stomach and show my baby off with pride. Especially during the rock shows.

The methadone chic of Scumbalina only helped her to get girls err girls. I remember during a rather rauncheous party taking a shower naked with Mike’s girlfriend at the time who had a beautiful gigantic nose and wonderful nips. He sure knows how to pick em. Also in the shower was the hottest chick with a dick that existed  It was hot almost heavean.  A great release from my life of filth and degredation. I got clean in that shower.  Julie the trannie was on fire. We were all nuts, in a drug addled dream, in the shower together. It was like a wet dream. Or a shower you take after you get raped. It was exctacy.

Scumbalina was a release for this filth that I was living through. Injecting methadone daily and attempting life. She was me. And is me. A furious scumbag and I miss her.  Rock and roll made her deadly. I think if I wasn’t handing out porn at the time to greatful pieces of shit I would have been murdering animals or children. An outlet for me. An escape from the torturous hell I was putting my body through.

I remember my cohort and sleaze partner in crime who had the biggest natural tits of anyone I’ve ever seen. Alix Lakehurst. Her real name was Alix Snell, an ugly name which was only changed by McP to be her porn name. Yes he kinda got her into porn. A release from her dark world as a law assistant as I can remember. She turned to porn. At the ripe age of 32. It was amazing. She would dance naked on stage with me as I sucked her nipples in some kind of freak show frenzy