POST FROM 2009: THE DAY I BROKE MY FACE.... ON ACID....

THE DAY I BROKE MY FACE.

thanks 2 all of u that xpressed concern fer me and my broken face... acid nightmare... gnarly scar... was planning on having lovely labor day weekend with friend from michigan. we spent about 15 hours at county and then maybe left the house once to get a pizza. my house looks like a murder scene. i had fucking gills. i cant believe this is the outcome of the surgery... i was unconcious... lost tons of blood... bloody handprints everywhere... thought i would be super deformed... got fucking my first plastic surgery... only to be followed by many more... not on the scar though... i love this thing. i look like i got in a knife fight with some fuckin chola in my hood. my poor friend who is probably as retarded as me had to deal with the cops in this neighborhood coming from a small town... somehow he ended up at county with me... soooo glad there is no psych ward there or else i would have been locked up longer....oh man yea... i dont know if anyone has ever gotten surgery while on hallucinogens but ITS A FUCKIN TRIP... HOOOLY SHIIEET. i found out later that the thing that was attached to my finger that i thought was delivering medicine was only measuring my heartbeat... mind over matter i guess... i was so out of my mind i didnt even need a fucking tylenol. needles in the face.. i remember at one point just laughing hysterically for like two minutes.... the doctor told me to wait for my catscan and i thought that was a joke so me and my friend left against all medical orders, unbenonst to my still tripping ass... i left COMPLETELY covered in blood and it's pretty amazing, but i think that the medical district is the only way that you can look like you slaughtered a deer/had a failed abortion and not get bothered by anyone.... EVERYONE by the hospital was OUT OF THEIR MINDS... we were just two more of them... no one seemed to notice us.... the hallucinogens seemed like they would never end. finally i realize that they did not even tell me when these stiches were to be removed and so we go back into the hospital and ask, and they're like yea you werent supposed to leave... you're in line for a catscan.... i was actually happy about this. it bought me more time in a safe place because the real world became fucked up fellini movie to me... i couldn't deal outside. I WAS COVERED IN BLOOD. so i figured... fuck i'll buy more time here and the catscan is free... so i laid in a gurnee with my friend and watched broken people get pushed back and forth and up and down the aisles. there was a man who had the back of his head smashed in after getting off of the train... he said the next thing he knew he was in the er. flashes of the night and me looking at my face which my friend referred to as being "totally fellaid, and looking like I had gills". I thought that I had no more fucking face. I thought the right side was like gone. I also thought I would never be able to breathe out of my right nostril. No one who saw me before I walked into that hospital could believe what the fuck I looked like on the way out.... Flashes of the night keep coming back to me. I still don't understand why my friend ended up in county with me considering there were about 8 cops asking him questions and he was going completely insane. He doesn't know how he got there either. Got the catscan... and I was sorta scared to leave... This also happened at the WORST time possible.. the day after ZENA/ROB my landlords had their baby. So finally we get out of the hospital. In all other circumstances I was looking forward to the baby shower that was going to happen that night... Family was down from Canada... Friends showed up... It was a very wholesome seeming event... Everyone was still very sweet... But here we come... walking up to the gate... me covered in blood... old boy covered in my blood... handcuff scrathes all over his wrists... It looked like ... well I don't know. I watch horror movies. It was straight out of a horror movie... Mind you, the hallucionogens still had not worn off and everyone's asking me questions and I look like the girl at the end of TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE when she jumps in front of the truck. We're both shaken up... he won't even move. I just . wanted to get upstairs... Plus I knew what they were all thinking..They had NO idea who this guy was... For all they knew it was one of the many busted ass monkeys I bring home from a bar who tried to murder me... It was surreal... I'm still tripping and covered in blood and trying to keep up appearances for my landlord's family. They were so nice though. I thought that I was going to get evicted. I was so scared. He thought that he was going to get beat up and go to jail....

He had never been in a neighborhood like this. This was hilarious.. a little of an epilogue... I live by THE MOST FUCKED UP LIQUOR STORE IN CHICAGO. It's true.... I mean every time I go in there something fucking INSANE happens... I go in there with no cash because it ALWAYS gets hustled out of me... but i saw an old friend there. and i remember he asked what the FUCK happened to me and you know... it's quite hard for me to answer that question... i still don't know. but he sees that i'm with a guy who he doesn't know and he starts lookin at my friend and talkin like he's gonna kill any muthafucka who did this to me and fuck... this was this guy's nightmare... i calmed chico down... and he was askin us for money. my friend gave him a 20... i thought he was out of his mind... but i think he was trying to buy his life.

after that little encounter he wouldn't leave the house. he was so fucking scared. we went nowhere. it wasn't so bad... i flushed all the rest of the halllucinogens in my house down the fucking toilet... i'm done with that shit... i had taken mushrooms last tuesday and i fell off a motorcycle... i don't think they go good with me. i need to take everything fucking easy now. my fucking face fell off... now i dont know if you've ever been on a bunch of acid and just looked at a fucking mirror for hours... i used to do that a lot. now picture doing that but you're entire face is gone and it's just blood. it was so absolutely surrreal... at first i didnt even want to go to the hospital... i thought i could put my face back together... i felt like it was a puzzle.. there were little chunks of things missing all over the place...

there will be more about this that i will write, like how suddenly somebody in the hospital just produced my id and that was all i had. i dont know how the id got there. i dont know why my friend was not in jail. i don't know why i didn't scare the shit out of a little girl who saw me in the hospital... but i really don't reccomend anyone to go to the most gnarly hospital in probably the whole country on acid... EVERYONE'S BROKEN.... i remember this one guy who scared the shit out of me until i smiled at him... he was obviously out of prison. he was ALL fucked up and chained hand and feet and had a HUGE DOC jumpsuit on. prison fight. a BAD one. they had this crazy badass chained up like hannibal lectar. there were police all around him... he was a crazy one for sure and at one point we locked eyes and he smiled at me. I was so happy. Half that he smiled at me, half that I was not in his situation. When he came in, me and my friend just fucking looked at each other wide eyed as hell... We both knew it could have been a lot worse. It wasn't. It was ok... I guess.... Oh shit.