WHY I CAN'T STAY WITH THE 'RENTS. DAD'S DEAD BUT MOM IS DRIVING ME MAD. I LOVE YOU MOM. BUT WRITING A LETTER IS A PERFECTLY NORMAL THING TO DO...

Mom is BEGINNING to drive me nuts.... Today my dolls came in the mail and one soap bottle emptied, so she HOSED THEM OFF!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S FUCKING SOAP!!!!!!!! HOSED THEM!!!!!!!!!. Kept it cool for that one... But THEN While she's still up and watching a movie, I proceeded to print out probably one of the most important letters I've ever written (to the old ppl that I LIVED IN HELL WITH) it's on my blog... and it's pretty atrocious.... but she get's mad and starts yelling about having to sleep..... I said... I'm just printing out something before you go to sleep.... She then gives me the "well you don't have to get up in the morning" speech which I've heard a BILLION TIMES AD NAUSEUM.... and I have YET to wake her ONCE since I've been here.... I was printing a letter and then that's it.... back in my room.... Then she says to me... WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING ANYHOW.... ALL ANYONE'S GOING TO DO IS READ THAT AND THROW IT OUT... And I'm like I highly doubt it... Would you like to read it mom... completely discounting the fuckinng horrorshow I went through living there.... Then she looks at me as if I TOTALLY LOST IT... LEAVES... comes back in.... I say excuse me, but do you know the purpose of writing a letter... she says I'VE NEVER WRITTEN A LETTER... I say "you've never written a letter". hmmm.... alright.... well I am sorry for you but I usually do communicate via the INTERNET but this time it needs to be written and sent.... Sorry the idea of writing a letter is so FOREIGN AND INSANE to you... but the post office exists for a reason... Letters go back and forth everyday... (in fact she did write me a letter for Christmas... like about ten words, but still very nice).... but then she starts crying in the other room.... I was like shaking with anger... She tells me YOU NEED TO GET OVER THIS.... I start crying saying.... I've been home for LESS THAN A WEEK!!!!!! YOU WEREN'T THERE.... YOU BAILED ME OUT OF JAIL... THANK YOU.... THANKS FOR LETTING ME STAY HERE.... BUT THIS LETTER IS MY WAY OF GETTING THROUGH IT AND IF YOU EXPECT ME TO RETURN "fine" YOU ARE CRAZY.... I already secured an apartment 3 doors down from my old one before I got here... A single room occupancy with a bunch of DRUNK MEXICANS which is EXACTLY WHERE I WANT TO BE.... MY LANDLORD HAS ONE TOOTH (again all this is on my blog). was gonna stay at Mortville and did this weekend.... and it's a shame cuz she lives in Roselle half a mile away from a roller rink I went to as a kid and has always looked abandoned, but is in fact open on the weekends, 3 adult bookstores, 3 "massage" parlours, 2 strip clubs, 2 tattoo shops... It's fucking great.... but I can't take it anymore....  really what the fuck?. I'm angry.... I got a really nice welcome back to Chicago.... even saw Vanessa and Ossian, and like EVERYONE except you... and a few other people that I hardly ever see.... but we NEED TO HANG OUT.... EEEW... and I keep running into ppl in the burbs from my jr. high/high school/grammar school either... AND ALSO THE BIGGEST FUCKUPS LIKE ME... DRUG ADDICTS AND THE LIKE.... well former ones.... WHO ARE MARRIED WITH BABIES.... and CONGRADULATIONS TO THEM.... BUT it personally is freaking me out and that's why I stay in my bubble in Pilsen with the rest of the unmarriable.... (even tho I know you have a wife, but you're different). So I have keys for this weekend, but I don't know if I can make it close to then here... I love my mother, but she has started to drive me nuts and said the most hurtful things to me tonite.... and justifies it by "I have done so much for you" and she has done a TON but just because you've helped someone does not mean that you can treat them like shit.... WHICH IS WHY I GOT MY OWN FUCKING PLACE CUZ I WANT NO ONE HOLDING IT OVER MY FUCKING HEAD AS TO "OH I'M LETTING YOU STAY HERE.... BLAH BLAH.... I'VE been through enough of that in California, culminating with getting my head slammed into a concrete wall on the last night and my ear bleeding and my heart beating in my head for hours and hours and an escape from that house in which I had to hide until I found my fucking cat who wanders all over the neighborhood and got the fuck out.... My mother and the residents of that house (again reference the letter on the blog) are soooo lucky I did not do something unspeakable, except wage a noise war on them the last night I was there.... which ruled and was stopped by my partner.... longer story...